A Disciples' Perspective

[Note:  The following reflection on personal grief was written by Leanne Reed to the congregation of First Christian Church, Clarksville, TN, in the aftermath of the tsunami catastrophe in southern Asia. Leanne's husband, Walter Reed, III, died unexpectedly on October 10. Wally was serving as pastor of FCC, Clarksville, and was representing the Council of Christian Unity on the Week of Compassion Committee.]

Pictures began to appear on the TV almost immediately after the Indian Ocean tsunamis. They brought to our homes the stories of indescribable destruction.

During the Sunday service, Jeff Blum, our guest minister, said that none of us could understand what it must feel like to lose family, home, and livelihood in a heartbeat. I sat there quietly, but to myself I was saying, "I can understand the loss." In a moment, I lost my beloved Walter, and with

his death my life was changed forever. After church I went home and started watching the news again. It was at that moment I realized that my thoughts during church were the refreshments at a "pity party."

Yes, I did lose my husband. The grief, the mourning, the loss have not diminished in the past  three months. I realized that what I have been feeling these past weeks is only a glimmer of the despair of those who survived the wall of water. The grief and devastation that hangs in the air

must make it hard for those who remain to breathe. The enormity of this event  has swept away families, communities, and parts of cities.

Yes, I did lose my husband. He was not, however, torn away from me. I did not have to look for his body among the ruins, or on a beach, or in morgues of endless rows of black body bags. I did not lose my entire family. Within an hour after Wally's death, family and friends began to surround me with their love and physical presence. I did not become an orphan, or lose my mother or father. I do not have to worry if my siblings are alive or dead. I am blessed.

I was gifted with time to plan and to have a Celebration of Wally Reed's life in three different towns. Friends, colleagues of my husband, our church kids, and family offered me solace. Services to remember Wally's life were held. I did not have to bury him in an unmarked grave. I am blessed.

I did not lose my home. I had a place with my parents. When I returned to Clarksville, my church family offered me some time to stay in our home. I did not have to find pieces of my life among the rubble. I was able to worship in my church. I did not have to find my church family crushed beneath its brick and mortar. I am blessed.

I was able to travel back and forth from my parents' house to my home. With the exception of a 13-hour stop on the interstate, I have been able to get gasoline, food, and water, and use a bathroom that was clean and sanitary. I have been able to call my family and friends. I do not have to post their pictures on plywood signs or search the hospitals for them. I do not have to wait for DNA tests to decide if someone I love is dead. I am blessed.

Through these past three months, I have been held, hugged, and prayed for, and I have been the recipient of your generosity. I am not alone. My family remains with me. My church loves me, my home keeps me dry, and my stomach has not been empty. I am blessed.

I am not saying that my grief is gone. It is only beginning. I am saying that, even though I suffered loss, my blessings overflow. I am not alone. You are with me. God is with me. My family and friends surround me. I am blessed.

I have no idea how the people who survived the tsunami feel. This disaster is one that is beyond my understanding. Wally often told me that there was one part of the Bible he was compelled to take literally. Wally felt that, as Christians, it was our privilege and our duty to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and offer lodging to the homeless. Wally said he did not want to get to heaven and have to answer God's questions, "Why did you not feed me, when I was hungry? Why did you not offer me shelter, clothing, or some water? Could you not give back some of the blessings I have given to you?"

The lesson I learned from this conversation with myself is this: I am blessed.

The tsunami that killed over 200,000 people, that caused the coral reefs to crumble and the earth to stumble for a millisecond, has changed us all. We all, for a moment, lost our security of gravity and our security that our world is safe. This tsunami has caused us all to look upon a catastrophe

that was not made by humans. Those who struggle to live again must hear from us. We must, as Christians, respond to our brothers and sisters. Please find a way to reach out to the strangers that are on our TV screen each day. Give to them the gifts given to me -- shelter, food, love, comfort,

financial support, a home. In the Scroll you will find an article that will offer avenues of support to tsunami victims. Please read it. Open your hearts to others as you have always done for Wally and me.

If you respond, I will be blessed, you will be blessed, and, as Jeff said last Sunday, God will say, "These are my beloved children with whom I am very pleased."

Blessings and Peace,

Leanne Reed